I remember my dad telling me when I was younger that the proper way to build a house is to pour the foundation and let it sit for a year. The neighborhood I grew up in was only ⅓ developed when my family moved there so I always had the great fortune to go explore half built houses with my dad.
Mom and Dad are going to love the ball pit addition.
It was always amazing to walk through the space that would normally be the front door, into the skeleton of an unfinished house. Walking on the subflooring and looking up straight into what would later be the attic gave me an odd sense of uneasiness. Breathing in the smell of fresh cut lumber mixed with dirt and the vague hint of concrete dust floating in the air always dried my mouth out. It was hard as a young kid to picture what the finished product of the house would look like when all you could see was space, frames, wires, and ducts.
My dad would take me through the house and explain everything that was happening. “This wire is a power line. They will have an outlet here. This line is for plumbing, we are standing in the bathroom. That pipe there is for cold water and probably going to run to the sink in the kitchen.”
I couldn’t picture any of that.
I would always wonder what the family that would move into that place would be like. Are they going to be happy or sad? Will it be filled with jokes and laughter at a dinner table? Will they have a huge TVor a dog? Will the kids all get their own rooms? Would the kids get a TV in their room?
This will be my bathroom attached to my closet. Your stuff can go in the closet under the basement stairs.
Of course it’s really hard to see the big picture of something by looking at the small details as a kid. Shoot it’s hard as an adult to sit and think about the nuts and bolts of life and plan them according to an outcome that you want.
Now that I’m a homeowner, and have to fix things on my own, I’m more inclined to think about cracks in walls, proper insulation and wondering if the house has a basement. The one thing I always think about whenever I enter a house though is the foundation. Was it poured and left to settle in the newly disturbed soil? Or was the construction rushed leaving the the foundation to settle at different rates in different spots?
Taking the time to have a proper foundation won’t prevent things from going wrong, but a solid foundation can certainly make life a lot easier in the long run. Without the proper foundation for whatever it is you’re going to struggle through it.
I remember a few years ago I ran the Indy Mini Marathon. 13.1 miles. I trained for 4 months for it. I finished in an 1:45. I’m proud of that. I found out a buddy of mine ran it too and hadn’t trained one day for it. Took him almost 4 hours to finish.
Crossed the line… COUNT IT!
Hey at least he finished right? Good for him. It took him a lot longer, and I’m sure the next day he felt all 4 months of my pain that I trained away. In my house we would call that a Darling Husband Job.
Dar·lingˈ- Hus·band – Job
därliNG/ ˈhəzbənd/ jäb/
Adjective
- The act of jumping into a task with little to no prior knowledge or prep which leads to a longer and more expensive solution than anticipated.
“Honey I found the leak in the tube. The guy at the hardware store said all I have to do is cut the tube here, and then put these fittings on. I’m pretty sure I can fix this.”
Always wear your safety gear for fixing the sink.
I don’t mind doing a DH job on something around the house. It gives me a chance to be handy and learn something new about home ownership. There are a million things I find myself wishing weren’t a DH job though. I think “if only I had started this years ago and had the stuck with it, this would be so much easier now.”
If only I had stayed true to my vow to do 50 push-ups every day, I’d be really strong now. Made that promise to myself in junior high. 18 years later, I’d be doing push-ups like Gaston. If only I had started reading everyday when I was in elementary school, most of my books wouldn’t need pictures in them now. If only…. Well you get the idea. If I had only started something then, I’d be great at it now.
I don’t have the ability to go back and say “GET IT TOGETHER! Do the hard work now and in 18 years your future self won’t have to worry about getting started, he will already have laid the foundation for being strong and smart and awesome.”
I do have today though. And so do you. This is the day that we buck up and put on our big boy pants. This is the day we do push-ups until our arms shake. Today we pick up that book and read something. Today we pick up the pen and write something. Today we pick that one thing that has been sitting our minds and take the time to do it. Don’t say there isn’t time. There is if you make it.
Today we walk through the bare bones of our own house, picture what we want that place to be, and start building the foundation for it. It is time to stop being boys who wish for things to be easy, and our chance to be men who recognize weakness and change it to greatness.
One of my favorite quotes growing up as an athlete was “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” I thought that mostly was meant for muscles. It applies to everything in my life now. It is a mindset now. I have to put forth a tremendous amount of effort now to be a fearless man.
Be this kind of Ted. Not this kind
It takes effort to think of others and put family first. It takes effort to get off the couch and into the yard. It takes a lot of effort to do push-ups, pull-ups and sit-ups. It takes effort to pray on your own, and as a family daily. It takes effort to better yourself mentally, physically and spiritually.
This is my idea of a modern fearless man. A man that can take care of himself and his family mentally physically and spiritually. One that thirsts for ways to make himself and everyone around him better. One that isn’t afraid to learn new things, make mistakes, and get dirty. A man that recognizes his ability to lead and isn’t afraid to give that position up. Something we as men are constantly being told we must surrender.
We have ended up with guys who make their wives put down the dog because they “can’t handle something that sad” because we as men have been convinced that our wives are the absolute leaders of the family and it’s ok to be treated and act like another child. That’s why so many people say to dads now, “Oh you must be babysitting while mommy is away!” Men aren’t even expected to parent anymore.
If men aren’t even expected to actually parent anymore, there’s no surprise that they have no problem not getting mother’s day gifts for their wives, or going out with their buddies every night while the Mrs. stays home with the 4 kids.
This is what we are told a modern man looks like. A passive part of the family that wives are in charge of. We aren’t even expected to put any effort into our world outside of work.
Effort is the foundation of what it takes to be a true modern man. It’s not worth doing if you aren’t going to put in the effort, and the reward for that effort will always be great than doing nothing at all. Effort is certainly the foundation of what it takes to be a husband. And even though I have no kids, I’m going to go ahead and assume that this foundation will be necessary when I do.
When the effort isn’t made to build a house correctly, cracks begin to form in the walls, doors begin to jam, leaks form spring from the foundation soon after it’s built. Over time every house settles, and we all have to do maintenance. If you’re not making the effort to maintain your house and home, it’ll only be a matter of time before it all comes crumbling down.
Take charge of your weakness. Turn it into a greatness. Start small, with a little perseverance we can make that small fix into a habit, and that habit into a virtue.
Consider this your first brick.
Darling Husband 
