You do you, I’ll do me.

“You do you. I’ll do me.” “You’re a grown ass man.” “I’ll be here if you want to join.” “I’m good, I’ll pass.” I find myself saying that more and more to people. It’s really turning into a mantra now.  I find it to be the case because as I get older, and I have grown closer to my wife, I’ve started to change my definition of happy.  

For a long time I was happy being the tag along. The go with the flow guy. I was always up for whatever, and people always asked me to go and do whatever it was. I could only be that guy with other people around though. I had played that roll for so long that it left me at odds with myself when I was alone. I didn’t really know how to do it.

Bad Luck Brian strikes again….

Over the past few years I’ve somewhat flipped the switch. It’s made some people uncomfortable that I’m not always willing to go with their flow. I’m no longer the down for whatever anyone else wants to do guy.  I have to tell you I like not being that guy anymore. There is a freedom I have now that my comfort isn’t tied to anyone other than me and my wife.

It’s not a perfect system, and it’s not as rigid as it might seem.  I am still pretty laid back and willing to go with the flow. I have, however, learned to take control of that flow and choose what part of it I want to affect me and leave the rest. It has helped me develop a new confidence in myself.  

Me in every job interview. 

I am still, and will be for a long time, in the process of developing this quiet confidence. That inner strength that I can draw from. I owe that solely to a strong constant practice of introspection. The practice has been fueled by tragic events, by an unwavering encouragement from Alle, and a strong reliance on my faith.

This introspection has been critical for me being able to find my principles. It has helped me define the core values that I want to live my life by.  It has given me the confidence to be a better husband. To work to be a better husband. To take a stand, not only for myself, but for my wife and one day our children. Who doesn’t want to be a man to look up to?

 

It’s also been a scathing process to really challenge the way I see myself.  I have had to make hard choices. I have had to cut people right out of my life. The drama filled people. The people that are stuck in a negative or childlike frame of mind. The people that just refuse to grow up. The people who get down in the mud and try to pull everyone down with them.

Tuck and roll Timmy!!

One of the major side effects of this new found attitude I have been trying to cultivate over the past few years has been compassion.  Being able to be compassionate for other people and not make it about me.  “I don’t believe in God.” A friend of mine said that to me recently, and there’s no way I was going to respond “Well you do you man.” He needed someone to listen and I had no problem listening. If I had not had the conviction in my faith that I have been working on, I don’t know how I would have reacted to a statement like that. Who knows, maybe I would have agreed.

What I do know is that the more I look into my own principles, my own reliance, the more I’m able to stand up for myself and my beliefs. Not in an argumentative defensive way, but in a way that allows me to speak with authority. It has created some really in depth conversations about life and being a husband. It has helped me see where others are weak, and where they are strong. It’s given me an opportunity to share my world with others and glean knowledge from them that I can use.

No wonder he’s man’s best friend. 

We live in a gray world. Nothing is as black and white as we’d like it to be.  Without core values to live by, it becomes easy to be gray in a gray world.  I don’t mind taking my stance on things and finding my anchors in the definite black and whites.  That’s how I can stay in the flow but not be a part of it.  

There’s a black and white truthfulness about the phrase “You do you, I’ll do me.” It’s an attitude, that is invigorating and empowering. I can only control myself and my actions. To those that are in my direct sphere of influence, I can do my best to please and make happy, but I can’t control their happiness, more importantly they can’t control mine.

There is prayer that I find myself saying quite often. I am asking for help in accepting things that can’t be changed, changing things that can be, and wisdom to know the difference.  It’s a simple prayer. Most know it as the Serenity Prayer. I encourage you when you face a difficult situation, or feel like you might be letting someone down because you have chosen to do something you wanted to do, to say this prayer. You do you the best you know how.  I’ll do me to the best of my ability.